Transformed by a Spiritual Encounter

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"If I wasn't in such agony, I would not have bothered to go. But thank God I did."

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When I was 28 years old and still living in Kelowna, I started dating a younger man whom I had met at the office in which I worked. He was a super-nice guy, and he quickly became very serious about where our relationship was headed. However, I had not yet plumbed the depths of my broken emotions, and as the relationship progressed, I found myself plunging blindly ahead in a painfully confused, insecure emotional state. I lost all my confidence, became clingy, and couldn't stop myself from behaving in ways that sabotaged the romance. To make matters worse, I also suffered from guilt, as I was calling myself a Christian but not living like one. My hypocrisy and anxiety finally came to a head when the 21-year-old, who had no interest in spirituality, at last kindly said he was breaking it off with me. He was bothered by my heavy sense of guilt and, of course, by the selfish clinging. I was utterly devasted, and it all happened in a period of only about 3 months.

I leaned on my girlfriends, but their sympathy and empathy did not ease the hurt. I felt weak and small, and mentally saw myself falling through endless space, alone in gloomy darkness. As terrible as it was, it was right where I needed to be, because now, after 7 years of church-going, I knew that I desperately needed a real and powerful God to deal with whatever it was that made me so vulnerable.

Shortly after the break-up, a friend said, "Hey, God is doing exciting things at the prayer meetings at the pastor's house. You should check it out." With nothing to lose, I decided to give it a chance. I arrived dragging two girlfriends along, but I was certain that God would not do anything for anyone--just because I was there. And He definitely would not do something for me! If I wasn't in such agony, I would not have bothered to go. But thank God I did.

There were a lot of people at the house, and after a little chatter, (and maybe some worship?) they prepared to start praying. Prayer requests were welcomed, and in an "I-don't-think-this-is-going-to-work" attitude, I announced that my friends and I wanted prayer (Really, they were just there to support me). A moment later, the pastor's wife began to manifest something I had never seen before. Her hands started flapping and she was blowing air out of her mouth with the sound of whistling wind. She stood up and walked toward me quoting a scripture, "Be not deceived. God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows, this also shall he reap!" I felt an overwhelming spiritual presence, and the fear of God came upon me for the first time ever. I burst out crying, which I did not believe in doing in prayer settings, especially boo-hooing out loud uncontrollably! Humbled to the core, I said to the Lord, "You're scaring me! What do you want?" The only answer was a powerful sense of God's presence. I turned away from the pastor's wife and pulled at my friends, trying to get them in between me and, I guess, God! Everyone else remained respectfully quiet and patient. I can't remember exactly what was said in the moments immediately following, but afterwards the pastor's wife sat with me privately and assured me that God loved me and that, according to scripture, He wanted me to get free from the past.

I know you may be thinking "That woman made up that weird manifestation!" However, I wasn't afraid of her, and when the experience ended, it felt like a newness: no embarrassment, just a cleansing and an inner transformation. Up until that night, I hadn't seen any value in spending time praying or reading the bible and thought it odd if another young person said they were going to spend (in my mind--waste) even 20 minutes daily doing such things. But something had changed in my soul. Without any prompting from anyone, I had a renewed and increased hunger for music by Christian artists, a desire to delve into scriptures, and an interest in seeking out the Jesus believers at the office. There was a long road ahead for dealing with the deep wounds of childhood, but now I had a foundation to work from. Now I knew the Source who would be continuously changing my life forever.

My heart was still broken from the failed romance, but there was a significant amount of refreshment and a sense of excitement about what the Creator of the Universe was going to do with my life. Soon, I was leaving my unsatisfying office job, packing up, and, with every necessity falling into place, heading to Burnaby and Simon Fraser University to finish my BA degree majoring in English--a radical redirection. So many wonderful opportunities have come my way since then!

"God works all things together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28