Free at Last! The Voices of Schizophrenia Get the Boot.

As it turns out, there was more to the story than I knew. When Gary was 22 until 24 years old, before the diagnosis, he had been having moments, such as driving home alone from work in the park or sitting in a noisy cabaret, when he heard could hear conversations that should have been impossible to hear. It was confusing; he knew he shouldn't be able to hear them, but there they were. He mentally conversed with the people who seemed to be criticizing him, discussing his every humiliating thought or action, but at that point, his life was still functioning, and there was a bit of distance between him and the voices. Then at 24 he experienced them coming to him in a friendly manner and kind of luring him into trusting them before turning ugly on him. This was followed by the 'breakdown' and diagnosis.

He spent some time in the hospital, and then for over a year his new normal became heavy doses of three different medications, appointments with psychiatrists, going in for a shot every 2 weeks, adjusting the medications and having to tolerate feeling groggy and disconnected from his environment. By the end of the second year he was able to take strictly pills, gradually reducing from hundreds of milligrams down to 6 and then 4 and finally settling on 3 mg. At that level, he felt better but still somewhat lethargic and heavy and like he was held back from life. I have heard, and he concurs, that any amount of these medications dulls the mind and makes one less lively.

So then for the next 22 years, he faithfully took his meds and fought with determination to keep the voices at bay. However, even still, whenever he would hear an odd sound in his ears, he would fear them coming back. And, in spite of his efforts, during those years he had two severe episodes when they came back full on and he had to return to heavy doses of the meds and gradually be weaned off of them again over a period of months.

So here's where it starts getting better. As a bit of background, Gary had made a commitment to Christ at age 8 at bible camp (I never knew that either!). At age 13 he chose the worldly route and it was a long time till he circled back to God. He met and married a community volunteer, and it was she who first had an encounter with the Spirit of God and began eagerly urging Gary to return to church. He reluctantly agreed, but then was glad that he did. By then he was 41, and he began developing his connection with God.

At the age of 46, five years later, Gary and Alecia were going through a (temporary) separation. He was hit of course with stress; this was accompanied by the second of his two major relapses. It was like there were three different conversations going on around him at once. He compared it to the cacophony of three radios on at the same time, except that they were all nastily talking about him--judgement, condemnation, rejection. In the midst of this racket, my brother sat quietly alone at his kitchen table talking to God.

This moment arose because of a book he was reading: Beyond Ourselves, by Catherine Marshall. As he read Marshall's explanation of the amazing healing power of God, he had a revelation. This type of revelation is different from a simple discovery and acknowledgement of some information. This is what many would call a "heart revelation" going from the mind to the depths of a person's being, a sudden "knowing" that it was true.

I quote:

"It struck me with the revelation that God could do this--he could heal me...that with his power, he could heal me and anything else that was wrong! Powerfully inspired with the Holy Spirit..."

He read that a complete surrender was necessary, unconditional, holding nothing back. So he told God that whatever HE wanted, that is what Gary wanted. He recalls saying something like, "Even if you want me to keep the voices, I want what YOU want. I trust you." That is not the kind of surrender that many of us are willing to make, not even believers. Most of us hold back at least a little of what we want to control.

The moment he held up the white flag, it was done. One voice said, "I guess we better go." Another said, "Do we have to?" And without another word, they were gone--never to return. That was in 2001.