Healed Knees!!

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"...A few minutes later, I suddenly realized the pain was gone, just melted away, after all those months!"

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In the 1990s, a spiritual revival was happening in the Lower Mainland of BC, during which freedom was a major theme--freedom from manmade religious rules, freedom from various addictions, freedom to be yourself, and so on. I visited Abbotsford and Mission from Vancouver many times, prayed for direction from God, and then, with only about $50 to my name and an apartment sitting opportunity, I moved to Abbotsford in order to join the movement. As Providence would have it, the apartment was only a few minutes' walk from the church where I had met with God in a very special way, and I was without a car.

It was a very lively congregation with all sorts of people from all types of backgrounds and lifestyles--from retired and financially set for life -- to living in a recovery home -- to just dropping in after spending the night on the street and looking for food. One person could be breaking free from 50 years of religious guilt and condemnation, while the one standing next to them could be reveling in the incredible fact that they no longer craved life-destroying drugs. Regardless of where they came from, it was common to see people jumping, dancing and/or waving brightly colored flags during the worship service. We knew we were not perfect, and that was okay, because we did not need some hard-won approval. There was no need for a checklist of achievements! We learned that Jesus himself said, "This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent." (Ref: John 6:29 NLT) Of course He was referring to himself as "sent" and knew that anyone who TRULY BELIEVES will want to surrender to such an amazing God and will want to give back out of a thankful heart. Sadly, there will always be some who do not truly believe mingling with the crowd and trying to gain some advantage, but that was happening 2,000 years ago too! It does not have to create a setback for the believer.

Anyway! About those knees. I loved the atmosphere of freedom and celebration, and I happily participated in the leaping, spinning crowd in the open area at the front, close to the "worship team" (the band). However, one day I noticed my knees were beginning to ache. I knew there was concrete under the thin floor covering and after awhile wondered if all that pounding on the unyielding surface was the problem. The gatherings weren't only on Sundays mornings, so the dancing happened fairly often. For a few months, I could ignore the discomfort that came and went, but as several more months passed, the ache became worse and more continuous until one morning at home, I found myself thinking I needed to get a stool to sit on in the kitchen while I buttered my toast for breakfast. I could no longer coast along in denial. I had to admit the pain was serious, and maybe it was time to see a doctor.

On Sunday morning at church amongst the dancing worshipers, I stood with my aching knees and lamented my inability to participate even a little, for fear of doing more damage. At the same time, because I hadn't spoken to anyone about my problem, I had an underlying worry that I would be criticized for appearing apathetic. Sometime later I understood that this was just a symptom of a lingering insecurity I had about fitting in. Still later, I learned that anything can become a failed religious ritual! Even if it looks like wild abandon, only you and God really know what is in your heart! And sometimes WE don't even know.

In any case, I stood there that morning in the front row as the music continued, and began to talk to God about my problem. God, of course, already knew what I was thinking, but I tearfully confirmed to Him, that regardless of what anyone else thought, "You know that I am worshiping You!" A few minutes later, I suddenly realized the pain was gone, just melted away, after all those months! In amazement, I leapt forward to join the singing, dancing crowd. I DO love to dance. What a great day it turned out to be!

The ache only started to creep back once weeks later, but as I surrendered again to God, it immediately disappeared. I had gained a greater level of freedom through the experience. I wasn't sure of all the aspects nor sources of the mysterious pain. How much of it was spiritual? How much emotional? How much just plain physical? I do know that I had more liberty to gain. And I know this -- I was in pain, and then I was not.